This is my first request for a post on a specific topic. One of the bros was begging for an article on weed, and how it isn't so bad. Request fulfilled. Read on.
I have no better way to start this post than to say that some of y'all are fucking haters. Straight up. I'm talking, of course, about the motherfuckers who criticize the ganja. It just so happens that they're the same motherfuckers who know nothing about the ganja. Ain't that a bitch?
Well, I guess I should educate you fools on what weed is, what it does to you, and how to both shove and retrieve it from your anus should you need to hide your stash from the feds. Wait, what? Okay, I guess we can leave that part out. In all seriousness, let's get started on the basics of weed.
First. Number fucking one. I must answer the question.
Q: What is weed?
A: If you ask a simple question, you probably get a simple answer. I'm wasting finger energy right now and I'd rather be choking the chicken. Wait, I thought this was about weed? Oh yeah. Weed is a plant. A fucking plant! Like most all plants, it grows from the ground. Here is a marijuana plant:
Now here are some other plants you may be familiar with:
You may have spotted some similarities, such as the presence of a stem, leaves, or flower buds. If so, congrats. You're a genius. They're all plants.
This brings about some more questions.
Q: Why would you burn a plant and inhale the fumes of it to get you high? You don't smoke the leaves of an oak tree, do you?
A: Of course not, dipshit. You don't smoke the leaves of a marijuana plant either. This is what you smoke:
That is the bud of a marijuana plant. It is a drug. It's being used as one, after all. Here are some other drugs you may be familiar with:
Not as natural, right? You don't need gasoline or moth balls to produce marijuana. Weed doesn't kill people. It doesn't make you beat your wife. It doesn't ruin your life. It actually makes your life way more awesome. Weed simply affects the mind by attaching to the receptors of your nerves in your brain. These nerves control hunger, your sense of pain, and your emotions, in turn making you hungry, pain-free, and one happy mothafucka!
Q: Isn't weed unhealthy?
A: While anything you inhale can affect your lungs, weed doesn't limit your lung capacity by very much at all. Ask Michael Phelps about that shit! There are no detrimental affects to your health from smoking pot. The only long-term affects of weed are short-term memory loss. I'm a frequent user of marijuana and I can tell you first hand from my experiences of being high all damn day, every damn day that I have never forgotten anything that was worth remembering. Many people think that weed kills brain cells or even that it can kill you. Guess what? They're wrong, bitch. Sadly, the facts are not enough for these people. They're not true Michael Phelps fans.
Q: Isn't weed a crutch for people who use it?
A: Although there are no addictive properties, you can still argue that Mary Jane is addictive because there are so many frequent users. You could also call it a crutch for people who use it regularly, because.. you know, who wants to stop smoking weed? To give you a comparison, here are some other so-called addictions:
See? Anything can be called an addiction! Smoking weed is actually less addictive than coffee! So why not start your day with a bowl instead of a cup?
Q: If weed isn't so bad, then why do people talk down on it and refuse to use it?
A: I don't fucking know! Maybe because all they know about drugs is "don't do drugs"? Next time your doctor prescribes you some medicine, why don't you say "No thanks, I'm straight-edge"? Or you can smoke some fucking weed! Damn. Leave me the fuck alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment