I have had my cats for a whole day and I have learned a lot about being a cat owner. Really, it wasn't all that hard. Read on, maybe you'll learn a thing or two you didn't know about your cats.
I have found one of the best ways to show your cats love is to pet them all the time. Most people think you shouldn't rub your cat the wrong way. What they don't know is that there is not a wrong way. I usually start at the base of the tail and end at the scruff of the neck, petting in quick, rough strokes. Your cat may react to this strangely at first. You might think he/she is trying to claw you, but they are just trying to hold on. Think of it like a girl going into convulsions when she orgasms. If it doesn't look like you are exorcising spirits from their body, you're doing it wrong.
I haven't named my cats because most cats don't know their names anyway. The best way to get a cat's attention is to make loud hissing sounds and pretend to pounce at them. This method may take a while to perfect so it is recommended to wear protective gear until you are an experienced cat caller. Fortunately, I was quick to master this technique and was only scratched once and that was from the corner of my coffee table.
I like to wash my cats because good hygiene is respectable. Here is a picture of me giving my cat a bath.
No one likes smelly pussy. Many cat owners have trouble washing their beloved animals without them wigging the fuck out. The best way to wash your cat is to ease them into an already full bathtub. It is only necessary to get them wet up to their shoulders, but if your cat is behaving in a violent manner you might need to hold their head under water momentarily. If your cat isn't adapting to it's new environment, repeatedly dunk them under water until calm. And remember amateurs, safety gear is your best friend. I recommend wearing a full leather suit for bath time.
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