11/8/12

Amish People Suck

One thing I enjoy is making fun of people who are dumber than me. I can't think of anyone better to make fun of than the Amish, who are unquestionably more stupid than.. well, just about everyone.

Amish people are known for their "reluctance" to adapt to the conveniences of technology. When I say reluctance I mean resistance. They don't want anything to do with it. They have laws prohibiting the use of cool shit such as electricity and automobiles. What the fuck? The thing that bothers me about the Amish is that they shun the existence of technology. Yet, they still use it. Fucking shitiots.

The Amish usually keep to themselves, living off the land. Although there was that one time I seen a group of those motherfuckers in Taco Bell. Dude, Taco Bell? Can't you congregate at a Chick-Fil-A?

Since they don't have automobiles, they use the good old-fashioned horse and buggy system. Ah, the luxuries of riding in a horse-drawn shitbox. Those memories take me back to the days when I had my own chariot. The year was 1922. I used to drink booze and fuck pale, white women in the back of my buggy while my horse looked on with a stiffy. Wait, what?

Amish are schooled until 8th grade and then they are free to paint barns, make furniture, and mix up some awesome jam. When the Amish build barns, they do not fuck around. Serious. Turns out they even have a name for it. Barnraising. What they do is round up about 50 dudes, and build the barn in record fucking speed. Don't believe me? Check it.

This is some great pyramid slave type shit. If you thought the pyramids were a miracle, you've never seen a gang of bearded retards put a building together in under 6 minutes.

Amish are also known for their furniture. I guess they're good at making it because non-Amish often buy it. They make their furniture with pneumatic and hydraulic tools, since they can't use electricity. Jesus was a carpenter and he didn't have a fucking impact wrench. Way to keep it real, Amish pussies.

You can argue that this way of life is less harmful to the environment, more natural, and teaches you valuable skills like working together with your community to accomplish goals. You can also shut the fuck up and go build me an oak chair to sit in and laugh at you, Jebediah. How are you reading this shit anyway? You don't know what a computer is, asshat.

Apparently an electrical current traveling through a wire is black magic to these people, yet they will still go out and buy diesel engines. Fuck them and the horse they rode in behind. Fucking buggy riding, bearded motherfuckers.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous15/7/13 16:50

    and that's the truth, truth

    ReplyDelete