11/22/12

Cats: Part One

"Cats: Part One? What the fuck, Ari Hooley? You only wrote one post about weed but you're going to write 2 or more posts about cats?"

That's right motherfuckers. I have a strong dislike for cats. Fuck it, I'll say it. I fucking hate cats. I've never dedicated more than one post to one specific subject but I thought I'd give it a whip.

I always see cat owners taking pictures of their furry bundles of shit and posting them online. It makes me wonder what the fuck they're experiencing, so I thought I'd give being a cat owner a try. Sort of.

Those are my new pets. They're not real cats but they look like cats. So it counts. I chose these cats for a few reasons. Real cats make annoying sounds, piss and shit in a box, walk around showing off their assholes, and scratch the fuck out of your furniture. Possibly the only good thing about cats is they are furry and you can get them really stoned. These cats don't do any of that. They just sit on my coffee table and look absolutely adorable. My cats are better than your cats. 100% undeniable fact.

P.S. I am already getting attached to my new cats and I will keep you updated on our experiences. We're gonna have a grand time.

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