As a bro, I enjoy watching sports. That's part of what being a bro is all about, my brethren. But there are some motherfuckers who take that shit WAY too far. I first noticed this when someone sent me a request to make a post bashing a fairly solid team. Just fucking kidding, I noticed it when I seen a half naked fat guy with "Marry Me LeBron" painted on his belly. I said "Dude, sit the fuck down and put that shit away. This is women's volleyball." True fucking story.
If I could count the number of #1 fans for any given sports team, I'm sure I would count more than just fucking one. I see assholes like this all the time on tv. Here's what it sounds like when I watch sports: "Hey, guy with the foam finger! Manning can't hear you from your 50 yard line seats, even if you are in the first row. He's busy throwing an egg and hoping you buy season tickets next year. Pussy! Check out this bitch sitting down like she owns the team. You bought $75 tickets, so put the Raiders snuggie down, stand up, and cheer like you don't know it's 15 degrees below icicle nipples outside. On the list of #1 fans, you're probably somewhere around 13,000. Or what about this douchebag over here? Someone get him a towel, he's breaking a sweat from cheering too hard. Don't pull a muscle while eating that hotdog!" Fuck those assholes.
I fucking hate sports fans, especially the damn stat watchers. I wanna choke the people who feel the need to keep up with the stats of every team in the league. Just fuckin' choke 'em out, put a blanket over their head, and dump them into a large body of water. Wait, what?. How do they have time for this shit, anyway? If you can tell me "Miami is 13 and 5", good for you. If you can tell me the jersey numbers and average points per game of every player on the Miami Heat, go fuck yourself. You're not enjoying sports for the simple entertainment that it is.
Some motherfuckers like to have a favorite team for every sport, and even every league. Then they have their second favorite teams, and of course their third favorite teams, just in case their first and second pick don't do shit all season. How do they keep track of this nonsense? Do they pick every team with blue jerseys? Do they only cheer for the teams that live closest to them? Do they root for the underdog every time? What if the team with the blue jerseys lives closest to them, but they're not the underdog? Or what if they are the underdog but they have red jerseys? How does that shit work?
Everybody hates those assholes who listen to sports on the radio. By everybody I mean me and fuck everyone else. If you want to know what's happening with your local team, you're close enough to join the other assholes at the game. You guys can host a circle jerk there, not on my fucking radio. Fuck.
I like sports but I'm tired of the stats, the bullshit rivalries, and the shitty local teams on the radio. Want to know how I enjoy sports? I stick to watching one team, per sport. That's it. One team. I don't pay close attention to their stats, I don't worry about the teams they play, and I definitely do not fucking listen to them on the radio. And when I select my team for the year, it's not a hard choice. Personally, I choose the team that has the mascot with the biggest dick. Large and in charge.
No comments:
Post a Comment