Advice from an Idiot: Relationships Don't Rewind

My buddy told me about the relationship he just got out of, in which his girlfriend broke up with him, to get back with her ex, who had already cheated on her. Basically, the ex-boyfriend comes running back to her after he realized he fucked up, and she leaves her current boyfriend to be with her ex. Damn. Luckily for him, I have seen a friend in this preDICKament before so I know what's going on and can offer a word of advice to a good friend of mine.

First, we already know who has issues. The dude cheating on his girlfriend. He wasn't completely happy with her so he thought he would have the best of both worlds and have a girlfriend and a fuck buddy. That's some fucked up shit, 'nuff said. This guy put himself in that sitch and now he comes crying back to ex-girlfriend, who is already with someone new. You can guess the conversation went something like the following:

Girl: Why do you want to make things better now?

Ex-bf: i didnt realize what i had an now i do i miss u so bad baby

Girl: Ok let me break up with my bf

Seriously. That's probably all it took to get her back.. because they're both idiots and they're probably meant for each other. He knew what he had and he put it at risk because he thought he found something better.

Second, ex-girlfriend is just as dumb if not more dumb than her ex-boyfriend. You need to know where you stand with her. Seventy percent 80% 90% fuck it, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of women want one thing: to know that some guy will always be there for her, waiting to catch her dumb ass after she falls out of the fuck tree. Your ex-girl wants a permanent fuck buddy oops I mean "guy friend", even after she completely turns her back on you. I'm gonna guess that she even pulled this trick out of the hat: the consolation prize. She probably told you that the 2 of you can still be friends. Good friends! Best friends! Please do not fall for that shit. You're gonna end up hearing about their problems.. and even if she dumps him and gets a new boyfriend, it probably won't be you. She's gonna end up in the exact spot she was before..getting cheated on like a damn fool. People who cheat generally want the following things:

1. Penis 2. Vagina 3. More penis 4. More vagina

Serious, bitch, it's not hard to figure this shit out. I could add number 5, "a person who will treat them better" but if you really think about it.. if you REALLY think about it.. you would soon come to the realization that all it takes for a person to stay in a relationship is steady pussy/dick. And that's usually the same reason a person will go back to their ex. Ain't that a bitch? This guy will continue to cheat on his girlfriend and if she doesn't wake the fuck up she will continue to run back to him. As her newest ex-bf, the best solution for you is to kick back, enjoy the shitshow that is about to commence, and be glad she's not dating you and fucking him at the same time. Straight up. Relationships don't rewind. Never have, never will.